struggle

I want to be thin and smart and rich and Happy , don't have any problems , no anxiety , no anxiety attacks. No more pills and no more of being frightened, I am so tired and it is just a matter of eating sleeping and working. That's how my days looks like, sleep, eat, work eat home eat and eat in between. Food is taking over , big time. I just can not stop eating, like a freaking pig, shovel everything I find, I realised that I even don't taste the food I eat I just eat. I gain a pound, bad very bad, but I can not stop, fuck sake I just can not stop eating !!!!

I want to beat myself for being such a worthless, piece of shit who can not even control their own weight, like I had lost 2,5 stone and now I gained back a stone!! WTF !!

How to stop it, I make myself sick , but it doesn't help much does it , as I gained a stone!!
I am freaking tired, fed up , angry, agitated, frustrated, I hate myself for the way it is.

I need motivation, please help!!

I fell like cutting and bruising my body , but would it help?

I need to loose another at least 5 stones, how to stop eating?