gp

So I had seen my GP today , I had a spirometry test done last week and the results were ok , which means no asthma  That lives us with anxiety attacks  that is what I suffer of recently , and that is why I had been so exhausted lately, as after each attack my energy levels hit the ground. Today my GP told me that she spoke to A. - my therapist , and that they both decided that I have to be reffered to a psychiatrist for an assessment- finally!

She said to me :
GP - I had spoke to A. and she seemed really nice.
I was stunned at this point I didn't know what to say and just stare at her.
GP - What?!  ... what?!
me - nothing I don't say anything - I felt surprised and dreaded that moment.
I felt like she had been totally rude to me.

Well not a first and not a last time probably, although I will have the assessment , which is a good thing, then I will know what to do.

So I got another medication to the fluoxetine and propranolol which is mirtazepine 30mg, this med suppose to help me sleep and have a bit of affect on changing mood. It is strongly advised for depression , so let see if it will help with my panic attacks.

xoxo

"normal"

Making it simpler, I am actually feeling "normal" where with me it looks like I am not as sad and miserable as I was before, I am not hyper as I had been for the couple of days - weekend, I feel ok, I am not anxious - not as much as before. I am not cutting, I don't think of suicide, I haven't got racing thoughts, my mind isn't completely blank, which makes me feel more settled. Though I binge and purge, I think about self harming, I feel sleepy, my thoughts and moves are kind a slow, and yesterday I felt kind a detached at work.

I would love to know why I am the way I am , I would like to know how can I help myself, I want to have the diagnosis, even if it is just GAD I need to know. Panic attacks had slowed down lately they are not so horrific as before, but still leave me exhausted  and without a bit of energy.

I feel like I will snap from this normal state today, at some point, as I mentioned before I feel like harming myself, but the thoughts aren't so strong yet to make me do it. I feel like I need sleep, just cuddle up with the pillow and a duvet and get rest and maybe some uplifting dreams.

Why not ? I am off work today , nobody is at home, I think I will use this time to rest.

xoxo