So I wasn't able to write for the past two weeks, I didn't really had a much time to do so. I have been seeing A for the last few weeks as some of you know, and I think she is helping me a lot. Not that she is showing me the way to go , or give me the solution to my problems , but she is actually listening and make me to think about the solution. Directing me like a guid dog for the blind, which makes me feel more confident. I spoke to her about K (colleague from work who I sincerlely dislike a lot), and then she asked me
- why do feel that way about her, what is it that she does what makes you to be upset and angry while she is around?
She reminds me of my mother, the woman in my life who should set an example, guide her daughter through the life , be a mother and a friend in some ways. But she wasn't and she still isn't. I know that she tries now to be a friend, because I think she is older and more matue than before, althrough I had to grow up fast and look after myself. She was and still is a rude person, hypokritc and arrogant, with delusions - yes she thinks that thigs are happenning when they doon't , but well that was her choice if she wanted to make it right she would liik for help , right?
She thinks my dad is cheating on her , well if I will be a husband with such a wife I would cheat as well. Athrough we hae differend opinions what cheating exactly is. As for me it is a romantic relationship with somone while you are in relationship. What I mean is that I have sex with someone currently, but I don't consider it a cheating on my husband because I don't hae any feelings for that man it's just a sex. Where for most of the human population cheating means sexual relationship.Well I think our opinions aren't this same for a reason, to make people different, and because we are so varied in so many ways this is the reason we can leave with eachother.
So basssicaly K is reminding me of my mother , and here A made me realise that there is so many simularities between my mother and k, which is good so I partially know where I am with K
Anyhow, good or bad , recently I feel so normal. I dont feel like I am pressured , I dont feel hyper either the only trouble is the sleep, or maybe lack of it. I can not sleep, but I am so tired. But if I have less sleep I have more energy through the day, well thats good but I feel like its not enough , it's a bit confusing. Well it is like most of my life - confusion.
I am going to see my GP on wednesday as A. said that I should do it because of my differend moods and that i dont think fluoxetine helps me much. Maybe there is somethink else there, well at least A suggested that a few weeks back, maybe she is right maybe it is worth to mention . We will see what she will do about it.
xoxo
