trust

I got the courage to go and talk to HR manager last week, I opened up to her and felt way better after talking to her. I didn't expect much as I know she is the kind of a person who is cold and distant towards others, not like a manager should be. Anyway I drop down everything I had in my heart and I said the deepest secrets which I don't disclose to anyone. I told her that I self harm which was really awkward to talk about, but I did. I asked to work 3 days a week only as now I work 4 days, but I need more time for myself. I have mixed bad   feelings relating to work which is really hard for me to be there, I feel intimidated and pushed around I feel like being fooled by the management all the time.
I had found out now that they aren't able to accommodate that request and I was expecting that, I kind a knew that this will be the answer. It is just pointless you can not trust no one, there is no one who you can trust because they always disappoint you. I know I cannot trust anyone at work , even when they say I can and try to be friendly at the end I feel used and worthless, hopeless annoyed because again I trusted and got disappointed and it is like closed circle, no escape.

now

I am lost, and sad, and angry and anxious and annoyed, it's raining, I'm bored and tired and sleepy and I have a heartburn and want a smoke, and light headache. I'm miserable and fed up with life and work and hating the feelings I have, and considering that, one day I possibly could rid of that mood swings, aggression and sadness makes  me feel like I will lose a part of who I am and I will miss that old me. But I want to feel happy and not worry, I want to be free of worries and stop thinking of the worst.
I just want to survive and be the best I can for my son and hubby, and have a better fulfilling life, is that too much to ask?