they think they know

What do they know?! People around me don't have an idea what is going on in my head and they think they are able to help. I hate that, if by any chance I share my feelings with someone I don't want pity, but assurance that they will listen and won't judge and won't say that " I understand" because they don't ! I would love to meet someone on my way who won't feel like they are the smartest, and they won't say "o come on take it easy, relax, don't worry" I think that really makes me upset. On the other hand I believe that they have my best in heart, but my mind is saying different things. I feel lost and .... so alone, and empty, because of those feelings. When people ask me how I am I will put my mask on and say I'm fine, but inside I scream from pain. How can you say to others what do you feel if you know they wouldn't be able to understand, It's better not to talk about it. It's just so hard to live with that, all those fears and emotions. Feeling like you are so insane and everyone actually knows that. I try my best to trust others, but what I have found out is that everyone will disappoint me every single time. It is so irritating and frustrating and so indescribable, like I want to scream in their face how fake they are and so plastic. I can not believe that people think they know everything, and that they are able to change your thoughts or tell you just forget it, chill out, get over it. I got angry because if I could do that I wouldn't be in that bad place I am currently, and if I could chill out I would do that, but I can't and that's my problem.

GP

I'm so angry at the doctor I have seen today! She just made me feel like my feelings and concerns are NORMAL. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, she made me feel stupid and foolish. It was another doctor the 4th in the line, I couldn't book an appointment with the one I had seen a few weeks back.
I went there for my medication and ask if the Right Steps mention anything about my assessment they have done a few weeks back. I was expecting that they did send a letter to my GP stating what is wrong with me, I wanted to know if there was diagnosis for the way I feel and think.

The question I asked was "I would like to know if I have a diagnosis for the way I feel?". I need to know if it is anxiety or depression or personality disorder or all of that together or separately or if it's something different, that I didn't think of. I was hoping as well to have my medication prescribed in a higher dose, as it has not been working well for me recently.
What she told me was that all people have anxiety and it isn't a problem, as stress can cause that. Regarding my mood swings she said everyone have better and worse days. When I asked her about diagnosis she said is really hard to diagnose someone as they don't want to label anyone. All answers I got today were dismissing and unhelpful. If I am actually all good and it is just a temporary thing why on earth I felt it for the whole my life? Why now it's come to me with such an impact that I can not think about anything clearly, I forget things, I can't concentrate, I'm so sad, empty, lonely, feel like people at work are lying to me constantly, I trust no one but I tell them about all the pressure and feelings I have, I hate myself because I'm week. I harm myself , and actually find a better way than before. I am not banging my head, now I am scratching, it leaves bad marks but it lets me somehow control my urge to self harm as when I see what I have done and how bad it looks like, I think. I just wish I could find a quick solution for all my feelings to go away or at least reduce the amount of the emotions I feel.
Anyway going back to my GP, she just was terrible she made me feel like I am making myself mentally ill, as emotions and feelings I have are normal. It sucks, terribly, big time! I thought that I have to kill myself for doctors actually to see that I really need help, but then it will be too late. I am already tired of all the effort I had put into contacting GP and going through all the details of the feelings and emotions I'm experiencing. Now for them to tell me that they cannot diagnose me it's pointless, and makes me so angry as they don't put enough effort in finding out for me - at least it is what I feel. They could possibly arrange appointment for me with mental health services just to have a proper assessment done by a professional who actually is experienced in the field, but no , there was no effort from GP- they are useless, incompetent, generally not trusted and very unhelpful. They don't understand and what is worst they don't want to understand, they cannot feel what you feel and for them is such a normal thing to judge you without realising how much pain they cause you. Fore more she made me feel belittle, very upset and completely disappointed.