I know I haven't been
on the blog for some time now. I am just so extremely busy. I am going to the
gym at least 5 times a week doing something about my weight and I lost 9kg
which is alright for the period of 6-7 weeks. I still binge and I will make
myself sick to rid of it . But I am calmer more than before, although I didn't
have much time so I didn't renew my prescriptions and honestly I miss my dose
of fluoxetine. I feel eager at times and so angry at myself . I still cut my
legs and I am tired of my life at times. I have these visions like I would stab
myself with a knife or anything else just to hurt myself as I feel so much pain
inside. I want to be a better mum for my child and it makes me upset when he
doesn't listen to me nither do what I ask him to do. But there is my fault in
that as well as if there wasn't he wouldn't do it and he would obey whatever I
ask of him.
I started counselling
last Monday and I am just waiting for their call to say when my sessions can
start , so CBT wasn't for me as I had found out that first I need to know the
roots of my problem and then I can take some steps to deal with that. The
person who assessed me first - on Monday was so nice- I FEEL LIKE THIS IS IT .
I feel like this is the right way to go for me. I didn't feel that with
the Right Steps so now I feel like I am doing the right thing.
I am still
confused about everything and I need a bit of time to myself but this can wait
, I like that I am so occupied and this makes me feel good . I am tired but
this is good this eats my energy and I am more in control.
I will try to
update more , I hope it will work .
xoxo
