I am still here

I know I haven't been on the blog for some time now. I am just so extremely busy. I am going to the gym at least 5 times a week doing something about my weight and I lost 9kg which is alright for the period of 6-7 weeks. I still binge and I will make myself sick to rid of it . But I am calmer more than before, although I didn't have much time so I didn't renew my prescriptions and honestly I miss my dose of fluoxetine. I feel eager at times and so angry at myself . I still cut my legs and I am tired of my life at times. I have these visions like I would stab myself with a knife or anything else just to hurt myself as I feel so much pain inside. I want to be a better mum for my child and it makes me upset when he doesn't listen to me nither do what I ask him to do. But there is my fault in that as well as if there wasn't he wouldn't do it and he would obey whatever I ask of him.

I started counselling last Monday and I am just waiting for their call to say when my sessions can start , so CBT wasn't for me as I had found out that first I need to know the roots of my problem and then I can take some steps to deal with that. The person who assessed me first - on Monday was so nice- I FEEL LIKE THIS IS IT .  I feel like this is the right way to go for me. I didn't feel that with the Right Steps so now I feel like I am doing the right thing. 

I am still confused about everything and I need a bit of time to myself but this can wait , I like that I am so occupied and this makes me feel good . I am tired but this is good this eats my energy and I am more in control.

I will try to update more , I hope it will work .

xoxo