And so the life goes on

I haven't mentioned before but my parents were staying over with us for a bit. They came over for a holidays which they hardly can afford. I loved that my dad had come , I was really glad that he finally visited my home. They live in the other country and arent ritch enough to come and visit every so often. My mother stayed for like 5 weeks and my dad for 2. It was alright we went for a boat trip down the Thames and visited the one of British Palaces and the gardens, we went out a few times and done some shopping. Thanks to that we are in serious debt right now. But this is due to me I can not stop, I am spending money for silly things where I should save money for colleage and the christmass trip home. But I simply can not control this overwelming urge to spend the money I haven't got.

It was alright when my parents were here, my mother as usual annoying terribly at tyimes. She knows best ! She guide us how to rais our boy, damn you woman! She was the worsed mother possible , very angry and challenging , degrading me for the life I remember making me feel tiny as a mouse. I hated her and I hate her now for things she is saying that she never smack me or my brother bottom - lie. I remember very well her grabing the extention cord and smacking me with it whenever on my body . I had such a big purple marks on my legs, bottom and back. I hate when she saying what a perfect parent she was. Bull shit!
It makes me very angry when thinking about it, on the other side I know I don't want to be like she was . I want my child to love me and respect me as a parent. I do expect a lot from him but as well I am a believer and I know that there in life is always a time to develop and learn . I am trying to be undorstanding and love him as he is.

The other thing which bothers me at the moment is that I have to take a loan for my study, and write 3 assessments and I have 4 points to reffer from my previous work. Damn you college , but without it I won't achieve the standard of life I want for myself and my family.

I as well have seen a consellor and I hope they will call me back saying that yes I will have consuelling service. I know I need it to talk to someone to find out where there is an issue in me.

xoxo