"normal"

Making it simpler, I am actually feeling "normal" where with me it looks like I am not as sad and miserable as I was before, I am not hyper as I had been for the couple of days - weekend, I feel ok, I am not anxious - not as much as before. I am not cutting, I don't think of suicide, I haven't got racing thoughts, my mind isn't completely blank, which makes me feel more settled. Though I binge and purge, I think about self harming, I feel sleepy, my thoughts and moves are kind a slow, and yesterday I felt kind a detached at work.

I would love to know why I am the way I am , I would like to know how can I help myself, I want to have the diagnosis, even if it is just GAD I need to know. Panic attacks had slowed down lately they are not so horrific as before, but still leave me exhausted  and without a bit of energy.

I feel like I will snap from this normal state today, at some point, as I mentioned before I feel like harming myself, but the thoughts aren't so strong yet to make me do it. I feel like I need sleep, just cuddle up with the pillow and a duvet and get rest and maybe some uplifting dreams.

Why not ? I am off work today , nobody is at home, I think I will use this time to rest.

xoxo