So as you may have realised I am failing to write a completed and easy post. I feel lost and out of control at times, I have this urgency to sleep. Like I need my pillow so bad I want to snuggle up with the duvet and just fall asleep. I am eating a massive amount of food and then I throw it all up, through I had gain so much weight and I feel so embarrassed, as I suppose to keep the weight off. Another bloody fail, like so much in my life. That's a hell of a crap, dieting , binging , purging, taking laxatives. There is no turning point is there? Until my life will be somehow sorted out I'm in a deep shit. What I mean is that, without realising why I am doing it , no matter how hard I try I will still do it no matter what. The thing with purging is that it makes me feel better it make me feel in control, for some reason , but is it really? I feel now like I am not in control, as I over eat so much and then I have to rid off all that nasty food which have stuck in my stomach, and where there is control? I suppose I contradict myself because I have those both feelings, although am I in or out of control or maybe I am right having it both.
I am so tired lately , my life is work , bed, cleaning, cooking, bed, bed, bed, watching TV and then bed again, I feel exhausted and irritated. Even now I feel like I want to go to bed and sleep, but I just got up from bed like an hour ago, but I feel like I will return there sooner than later. Well I am lacking energy, and I am going to work tomorrow, and I feel like a massive headache is coming up.
I need motivation to keep going with the weight loss, can actually someone help me PLEASE as I go nuts, I am fed up with running to the toilet every time I visit the kitchen. I want to stop binging, and I want to loose weight, but how to convince myself . I feel so fat and ugly and disgusting like a compleat rubbish, I want to stop eating.
I am off to bed , just sleep off my depressed mood.
Tips on weight loss very welcome.
Motivation to loose weight as well,
xoxo
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