GP visits

I went to my GP in the beginning of February to find out if they will be able to help. This was the very hard step to take as I was always thinking that I can handle my life. Until I reached the breaking point because of my work. No training, no 1 2 1 with my manager, no targets, no nothing,  numbness, singleout, alienated , discriminated, they asked me to step down from the position I was on,  I hate my job. So I felt very low in mood, had no energy, I was having sweaty hands, heart palpitations, stomach cramps, headaches every single day, I could sleep for the whole day. Finally after few months of going deeper and deeper into depression I realised that it's time to call for help. I had visited my GP and it was not that bad, he kindly offered me time off work to settle my thoughts and put myself together. I refused, he referred me to support group in my area. I received a letter within the next 5 days with tests attached to  it and asking to call to book a telephone assessment. So I did, and had telephoned interview booked for 29th march, yes great service when you are in need. Anyway I had a week off -holiday, stayed at home relaxed a little and gone back to work, then on 21st march got quite upset with management and realised that I definitely need a time off. Called my surgery to see this same doctor but he wasn't available till the next week. So I have chosen to see another doctor. She decided to give me  fluoxetine and sign me off for a week, asking me to come back the following week just to discuss how I feel. So I have booked an appointment straight away when I left the cabinet. How angry I was to learn  1. I came for the appointment which they have written for me at 8.20 and I have been told at 8.45 that my appointment is at 8.50, I have been told by the nice receptionist that the doctor will see me next, 9.10 I went to the reception again asking what is going on and have been told that the doctor is running late < I was fuming from anger> 2. Doctor I had seen today is not a doctor which I saw last week ! Although I specifically ask for this same doctor!Soo didn’t discuss anything with her, waste of time , more angry 3. Went to the reception to book another appointment with the doctor I have seen last week and being told that this doctor is no longer with the surgery, so I asked for my previous doctor , unfortunately he is on holiday for 2 weeks and after the holiday he is retiring, what the hell?! So I have an appointment with the young lady I have seen today and I will have to AGAIN explain what is going on in my life. Frustrating , and how can you trust those people if the practitioners are not staying with the surgeryand you see other doctor every week?

My assessment over the phone yesterday was very bad, the most annoying thing was that after almost every question the lady who was doing the assessment said "thank you, thank you for sharing that with me " in such a feelingless way it make me angry, then there was a question regarding self harm so I mentioned bing eating, she asks me if there was anything else so I said yes, but I don't want to say what it is as I'm not ready to share that information. So she was persistent saying in this motionless tone that they won't share that information with anyone , so I told her that I hit myself, she asked me why I am doing that, so I said to feel the pain , her answer was that she will write that I am masochists! I asked her why , and she said because I get the pleasure from hurting myself. Yes the satisfaction of feeling anything else then emotional pain is way better, you can smooth it , you cant smooth your emotional pain. It's pretty annoying that you can misunderstand that , as when I read the description of masochism it saying that you get the pleasure from hurting yourself, which is nothing like that with me. I feel a terrible pain when self harming and I cry and I suffered and I still do it, so where there is masochism I don't know.