Am I becoming delusional? I said before that I love my job, and the store manager is such a lovely man with big heart, considering, and fair. But hold on , now I am getting the feeling like I am getting jealous of him, like when he talks to other people I got thoughts, like - why he is laughing? - why he is joking with someone, - why he doesn't talk to me. Especially i got jealous or angry if he have a laugh with a woman or someone who I hate , and then the whole situation affects me. I hate him, I feel cheated , I have this weird disappointing  feeling which makes me aware of those delusions. On the other side I work very hard , for some reason, to make HIM proud?! I don't understand that I treat him like a father at times , and sometimes I want him as a lover, I would like to have a closer relationship with him. I feel weird , as I feel for some reason I need him so much in my life, but the feelings I have for him are not normal. Today I get to the point that I would rather try to find a different job , than stay in current one. Because of those strange feelings. I got upset with him, and I won't speak to him if I feel hurt, or ignored and I know when he is not in mood, so then I will avoid him as well. I just constantly think of him at work , when he is in the store. It is bad and unprofessional , and I can not stop my feelings which annoys me even more.

I just feel so weird about that.

xoxo