meeting Amanda

So, last Wednesday I had seen my counsellor, her name is Amanda. I thought I will be more obstructive with me giving away all the things I wanted to say. But it was all right, it felt right and comfortable. I haven't been fully open but it is understandable, it was my first session. She listened. Which was grate and made me feel peaceful, talking about things made me jump up and down with emotions. I was angry, frustrated, calm, comfortable, sad, and any other related feeling passed through at that time.So Amanda it is :)
I will keep a diary if I could find a time about the sessions as it is always good to go back and have a look at things we said and discuss.

Other thing is that I lost 2.5 stone, which makes me feel good and comfortable. I still binge and purge, but not as much as before. Although I had been taking senecol at times and I drink oolong tea, I am wondering if that helps. What I realised, I eat what I want but I have 2-3 days a week with very reduced calories intake and this makes me loose weight. I have a chocolate bar, or a cheesecake or a pizza - like today , with dips and I still loose weight within a week I think I loose average a 1kg a week which is all right. I'm happy, as the lost weight I'm keeping off so there is no yoyo effect which is brilliant.

I need to loose another stone till Christmas, so I might be able to reduce the calories intake  until 20th December as then we are going away. It will be great if I can keep it up.

I still get very angry and frustrated , like today when I punch the wall and my hand hurts now and it's bruised. I only wanted a bit "me" time, but of course no one else thought it was a good idea. I just wanted a bit of lay down , but my man and my mother decided that they all need to talk to me!!!! Frustrating , like this couldn't wait. WTF , why no one understand my frustration and then when I shout everyone is asking why the hell I shout! Daa, because no one is listening, what the hell is wrong with all of them. I don't  expect much,only a bit of understanding that sometimes I need time to myself?!

My dreams are still affecting my life, I think a lot depend on them , my mood the people I meet. Like tonight I dreamed about my cousin and she wrote a message on fb to ask me How are things. Weird, as she hasn't tried to communicate for the passed year. Is it a coincidence? I do believe that my dreams mean something more than just a dream.

I will leave now , but promise to come back soon xoxo