lately

I had finished my assessment of employment law for this term  ,then in 2 weeks time I will write the last part and then 2 months without college. Yey! I have a new hobby , I just like to do acrylic nails, I'm concentrating on beauty regime :) I always was crazy about makeup and stuff, but for some time now I was unable to do anything, I was too bored and fed up with everything. I still am , but it gets me away from my scary side, as I concentrate on other stuff and try really hard not to think about the anxiety and the sick feeling in my stomach.
I had very constructive day today I wrote everything I needed for the first part of my assessment, made a chocolate cake with LO, cleaned up, hovered, so it is all good , then at 10.30pm I went to bed and woke up at 1am and I'm still awake. I don't know if anyone reads my blog but if you do you know I wasn't posting lately. It's because I don't know what to write about. I read other blogs, but I just feel very anxious and nervous and so low in mood, that I feel like the whole last month was so miserable for me and to write all the time about the bad experience isn't a solution. I can not change it, last 4 days I had spent at home , didn't go out at all, don't feel like it and don't have a penny to spend, crap. I would use some shopping therapy, but taking into consideration the debt we have, it would be good to pay it back somehow. O and I ordered a new cooker which would be delivered on Thursday, yey new cooker :) How weird is that, I haven't been regularly cooking for past 6 years and now, since beginning of June I cook almost every day, how amazing is that, oh and make a packed lunch for hubby to take to work.
I try to eat less but scale doesn't move it looks like I'm bloody gaining weight, hmm not good. I still binge eat but what is worse is that I will purge after I eat anything, which isn't good, nor convenience. I just hate it, I have stomach cramps, nausea, my breathing tube is hurting, my chest, throat and I have a severe heartburn
:( Oh well, that's life, I was so fed up recently.
My dreams are haunting me , I love to sleep but for the last few nights my dreams weren't good. I don't remember what they were about , but they are making me feel very unsettled. It doesn't help with me trying to live a life, I still feel like I only exist , I'm tired constantly.
xoxo