My lovely son,  was  naughty and so we decided to discipline him. We wanted to put him to the naughty corner, and then he snapped. He was very upset throwing things from the sofa on the floor, and screaming that he doesn't want to go. I was watching how my hubby took him and sat him down in the naught corner. He screamed and shouted at him , hit him as well, hubby got frustrated.
This is not the normal child behavior, is it me who cause all that mess? I think so, I can not say that I don't love him, I do love him dearly. He is my biggest love and the best thing that ever happened to me. But I think he has feeling issues which he cannot describe, throwing tantrums at us.
I went there and try to talk to him, he didn't want to talk, he didn't answer my questions he was very angry  moan mmm,wrryy and so on. I told him that I love him very much and that brought his attention. Yes I thought , that's the way I want him to behave. I got his attention and I said - I know that you are sad, and I know you are tired and I love you and want all the best for you, have you seen daddy, how sad he is? - He said that he is really tired and he wants to lay down , I got some kind of a conversation from him, which is an achievement. I asked him if he knows why he is in the naughty corner , he said he doesn't, so I told him - because you were naughty, throw things from the sofa, you shouted at daddy and you hit daddy. - He said yes, so I ask him to go and apologise to daddy, he did - although my husband ignored him (!!!) and I had to mind him to give little D a cuddle. D went to bed to lie down. I said to my hubby that this is really stressful for him and that he is feeling very low and he might think that we don't love him- as he reacted with attention when I mentioned that to him.
I am so worried that my LO will have this same life as I do, I don't want that life for him. I want him to be happy and loved, I want him to understand his own feelings and why people react the way they react. I want him to know that I love him very much. I cause him pain, I can scream at him and I know this is the wrong thing but I can not control that. I feel sad because of that and he has nothing to do with who I am emotionally, and he suffers. I don't want to be like that, I don't want to scream and shout at him but the trouble is I can't control my reactions, and that is why my boy has those problems now. I am a bad mother  but I want to improve, I want to become a better mum. I want to understand myself so I can help my son and help myself with life. I am so sensitive regarding my behavior and I don't want anyone to know about those issues, but now I realise it's not only me who is affected it is my family and closes friends, and I now understand that they don't have to go through the hell I went through and that's not their fault, and that they don't have to suffer. Some of my friends left and I have never seen them since, but my son doesn't have a choice I'm his mum and he needs me. He doesn't want that angry, abusive, harsh outer me he needs a calm, supportive, reliable and caring mum, who will guide him him through the life. I wish I had someone good in my life.