Sunday, 8 November 2015


Well, hello, I just realised that actually my last post was over a year ago!!! The time flies, the trouble that it actually don't cure the emotional instability. I am still, as I was before, so ...., hm..., they call it Borderline.

Now, I was actually diagnosed with BPD in march 2013, well, surprise here, as I read my clinic letters from the consultant. How I omitted this little detail?! I know I am not crazy, but it is just showing this same pattern every year, or even more often. Last year at this same time, approximately, I was feeling low and distressed. Let's call it depressed, now I feel quiet high I rage and I am over confident, well people perceive me as such. I gather I will use it for my benefit. But who I really am?

Am I, this confident person with good eye contact, knowing exactly what I want, or am I just a little girl who tries to be a grown up and the situation make me this big bad wolf.  This is the toughest part, the identity issues, I am frightened, angry and hurt inside. But at outside I will smile, laugh, and people will think I am ok. But am I?

I rage and grief, the situations which don't depend on me hurt me so much. Work wise things are bad, liers and posers every step of the way. I am just tired and confused by all those people on the high positions who do not follow the procedures, policies or a best practice. I don't understand how can you work as an HR business partner and not do the right thing. Cruel world.


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