I am weird, thinking of how tired and fed up I am with all that crap around me . How I pretend, or maybe not, that I'm happy and everything is as normal as can be. I know I want to be happy, but I don't know if I'm ready for that. Truly I can say that although I'm so sad, hurt, in so much mental pain, I think I love it. Just because that's what I know and I haven't experienced how does it feel to be fully happy. There was always a pain in my life. I think I cannot be happy, or maybe I don't want to be. I'm so freaking confused.
I'm happy at work, smiling to everyone , doing what everyone else wanted me to do. That is why I hate my job, it's like imprisonment and maybe even worse than that. I feel like a slave at times, which means, I'm really bad when people want me to do whatever they want me to do. I'm clever, I think on my feet, use common sense and don't like to be bitched around by narrow minded people who actually think that they are smart, ha they wish.
I hate when people are lying to me :(
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