When I was 17 or so I went to the park with a school friend,
before our practice which we had in the store. We have been approached by some elderly
man he was over 60 I think , he was asking if we would want to come over for a
drink , we refused. I don’t remember how it happened I only know that I
actually started to visit him in his flat. I was visiting him every so often
and we had sex , it was disgusting . I
am thinking why I was doing it and cannot really think of any logical reason,
maybe I’m just so disgusting that I have some sexual urgency to have an
intercourse with an older man, he was over 40 years older than me, and now
thinking about it I don’t understand why I was doing it. Although now I still
fancy elderly man.
There were few older men in my life which I will tell you about later.
Sometimes we do things that don't make any sense to us. I slept with a man who was 10 years older than me and married. I hate myself everyday for it. Keep your head up and you're not a horrible person. Much love.
ReplyDeleteXOXO
Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves too and move on, however hard. I know there are worse things in the world that have happened. Maybe try disconnecting yourself from the feeling and the memories of it and try and acknowledge you are having the thought but that you are going to let it go right now and focus on what you were doing.
ReplyDeleteSarah