Well I have a fear of going back to work, I called my psychiatrist office on thursday and left a message that I would like her to contact me . Well the secretary most likely did not acknowledge my message as she did not called me back.
I am bloody worried that they all at work just wait for my return and they will not do what they said they will. I do not trust any of those people, they make me believe that they have my best in their action , but really they screw me over after that. Well the person I trusted turned around to be a bully, and how can I trust her. Going back to work will make it so hard now, as I have actually emailed her the whole story of my feelings.
Believe me I don't talk about my feelings with no one, only my hubby sometimes. I tend to keep it all to myself. I say I am alright but truly I feel like drowning, I hate to admit that I struggle or I'm hurt or anything else for that matter.
I think I like to believe that I'm fine and disregard my feelings, and then at home in my own peace I just start to feel those all emotions. I feel like I can not go back to work, as all of them will most likely question all I put in this email. I know it, I feel it in my bones, I hate it , I'm scared to go back.
Is this a real fear where I have real grounds to feel that way or is this a delusional fear where I don't have the grounds ?
I feel let down , confused, frightened, tired, not capable to make any decisions currently. I'm sad :( don't know what to think or do.
I need to call my psychiatrist again as I just can not cope, I get really bothered, but I'm scared to call her as well.
I feel crap, huh , in pain.
xoxo
