pain

It's 2.30am , and I feel very low, just because I feel like I missed so much in my life. Now I know what's wrong with me and what steps I should take to make it better. But now I am 32 years old and that's my problem , I feel old and like I can not do so many things. I feel down because I gained those bloody 10kg , grrryyyy, but the hell I still overeat, so why I moan?!

I moan because I gained weight and I feel so low , and I feel sad, and I comforting myself eating, and it is the bloody circle which has no end , right? As this will repeat again and again , like a bloddy pattern.

I think about my grandparents, they died , and I feel so sad , they died years ago. But now I remember visiting them , and it is nice sunny weather. The grass is green , the trees have lovely green leves, it's sunny and so peaceful. I haven't cried for a long time , and I have tears in my eyes now. I feel heavy in my cheast and so sad, I miss that time , I want to go back , I feel like I want to be this little girl back again. I feel like then I was happy , worry free. My heart hurts and tears drop from my chicks. It feels weird, I don't understand why this is happening. I am getting concious now,split minustes, and I feel better. Although still sad but better.

I woke up to another panic attack , which is so dreadful. I feellike now I am taking control over it , not fully but I am trying to distract myself , so then the attack last way shorter then they did before.

I think about my nan again, and it just makes me more sad and brings those childhood memories. And I feel like I don't want to think ABOUT IT . So good night, till the next time.

xoxo

please help with weight loss!

Hello,

I don't know what to say , I had been thinking to writ some post for ages but never actually did it as my head was completly empty. I think due to my medication changes I had been more of a stranger to myself than I had ever been before.

I am currently stopping fluoxetine, which on one hand is good as I never thought that this medication helped me in any way. Now though, I feel like I need it , such a coincidence, I suppose to stop the propranolol as well , and started olazepine 2.5mg for my panic attacks which doesn't help.

I was taking olazepine for the past 2 weeks , and I feel like dying , why ? Because I gained so much weight! I mean 7kg !!! I want to tear my hair off , and want to scream , and eat more and I am so angry that I get all the bloody side effects, but the med doesn't work as it should. My panic attacs are more recent then before , for them now there is backing off. I started to cary on with propranolol , I hope it would help, as I am genuinly fed up with the way my life goes at the moment.

I am signed off work for a week and I might take additional week just to try and sort myself out, I don't feel well at all , I am tired , frustrated, eating like a food monster. I want to loose weight again!!!
7 kg can you imagine ?!

 I WOULD WELCOME TIPS AND ADVISE HOW TO STOP EATING PLEASE I AM VERY DESPERATE AND VERY ANGRY AND SAD. PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I have often panic attacs , they are 3- 4 times a day and olazepine isn't helping, the only thing it did was to make me gain weight :( So I decided to stop it , as my belly is bigger than my boobs at the moment, I have difficulty moving, I am tired , constantly hungry, feeling sick because of so much food in my stomache. Grrrrrr ! I am so angry that I couldn't manage it better.

I think of selling something on ebay , I actually thought about make up , like CK , LOREAL, MAC, BENEFIT and all those known brands. Well I want to see how well I will be able to manage it. Then I will have a bit of satisfaction - maybe.

I purchased a bike, nice , new, purply - pink, and I havent ride it yet. Well I actually bought it for work and small grocery shopping. Believe me it is such a nice bike , which looks and fill very big.

I feel tired it is 4.02, I might have a cigarette and go back to bed

xoxo

thoughts and actions

I haven'                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  t been here for a while, but I am back noe. Why I didn't post for so long? I just didn't thought of doing it. My last post was about the LABLE I received frm the psychiatrist. Now a afew weeks on and I am gaining terrible amount of weight , I am currently 110 kg !!!!

So I decided to take tis in my own hands , meaning - I will stop olazepine , just because from the time of taking it I gained 7kg, which is around 2.5 week. Not good !!!

This makes me even more anxious and unhappy, well the weight gained and the panic attacks I have.
From today I am cutting olazepine and I will see how my weight will go .
I still have my panic attacs which are so kommon now.They make me so exhausted.

I am cutting on fluoxetine as well, and I should stop propranolol. But considering all prons and cons I will stop olazepine and cary on with propranolol and we will see if there is an improvement. I am just so tired and fed up with them attacks.

XOXO

BPD it is

So I have a diagnosis of BPD which isn't a surprise for me. I can say that I knew it , but well, I wanted a professional opinion. So now I understand that this wasn't just my imagination playing but there was an actuall cause to it , called BPD. tHe psychiatrist asked me if I am happy with diagnosis, and I felt like they had given me what I wanted and let me go home. As the psych said they don't want to label people, but this had to be done. There was concern of bipolar, well maybe in some point I suffer of it to. Well I fell like I suffer of all kinds of mental problems some times. Well I know what the main is.