Liars

I feel so dump, for trusting people .
The only person not a professional and not my husband who I did trust the most betrayed me, again!

There was the time I needed to sort things out at work , and he came across as a trustworthy person , who is able to understand what I am going through. I give him all the details about my health for him to be able to understand, and now I feel like a foul. Just because today he said something completely different the we discussed before. It was about the bonus we receive yearly at work , I didn't get it. Though 3 weeks back he said I will get it , and that I should spend those money to go away and relax , and now he tries to tell me that it wasn't the case. Liar , that is the only word stuck in my head from the moment I spoke to him today.

Now I am in the position where I hate that I trusted him , it is not about the bonus anymore , it is about the trust I put in him. I don't give a daim for the bonus, I don't fucking care, I am pissed off because he lied , I don't want his fucking pity. I will survive and get stronger from day to day.

Just because he said he have to think what to do about this bonus, I thought what the hell? Then I said that he told me that I will get it, what a naive idiot am I , he said he have to have time to reflect on it. What the fuck to reflect on , he could say , sorry I have done mistake , I told you you will get it but I haven't put this through the system, I will think if we can do something about it. I will understand and I wouldn't call him a liar, but in the way he spoke to me and the way he dealt with things makes me so angry, not only at him but myself,

I feel so disappointed and so tired of liars. I feel like I want to harm myself as my soul hurts again!

I feel exhausted, and I hate, and I am so disappointed.

Don't trust anyone, as there is no one in the world that want to genuinely help you

I still don't learn from my mistakes.

xoxo

tough time

I am tired of people , tired of all that crap they say and do. Why? I again had been in a situation which made me feel worthless and hopeless without ability to understand what have been going on. As I came to work on Wednesday last week I had seen that my name have been removed from supervisor schedule, it was frightening and immediately made me feel anxious to a state I didn't want to be at work. I had seen my manager but he looked occupied so I decided not to disturb him , and just  wait until he will come  over and talk to me about it. Though this didn't happened , well long story short, he said that I am doing mistakes and forget things, and it will be best FOR ME to be on the till for 2 WEEKS !!! I felt like this is punishment for my incompetence as a person in charge , where actually it wasn't.

A couple of days earlier I had a conversation with my store manager and he asked me what he can do to help me go through the tough time. I said I don't really know, I was confused and not in the state to really decide. Then on Wednesday it was him who actually made the decision for me, which I would understand , as we had this talk , beside he knows everything about me and the difficulties I am currently experiencing.

My department manager is a piece of shit, he is the worthless person ever who doesn't know how to work with people is very unprofessional and dumb. Yes those are the words I can describe this person with.

He hurt me so much that the next day I was really suicidal, I called Mind and the hospital with which I am outpatient and talked to a social worker on duty who actually helped me to go through the tough period of time. I hate that it makes me feel weak and I hate to feel weak. One idiot can screw your life completely.
It makes some sense.

He have very visible behaviours like my mother, this brings the mother memory back to me , her being really hurtful and nasty that is how I perceive him.
I feel better now, I hope I won't get in to such a state any time soon.

xoxo